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In order to truly connect to another or to understand their point of view - we have to be willing to see the situation from their perspective. Mentalization- 'mind-mindedness', is a term that describes our ability to see ourselves as others see us, and to see others as they see themselves (J. Homles). Try it next time you find yourself perplexed by someone's actions toward you or words. Imagine being them and seeing you through their eyes.

I hear a lot of clients talking about how thinly stretched they are taking care of everyone else's needs. I never have time for myself, because I am too busy taking care of everyone else, they say. Although there might be a lot of validity to what they are saying, often that's not the whole picture. Those of us who are caretakers, will sometimes secretly prefer giving and caretaking to receiving. Receiving can feel too vulnerable, because it implies need and weakness. If this is you- practice receiving, even in small amounts and notice what feelings come up.

Don't aim for perfection. If you trying to get better at something - let's say you want to not lose your temper with your kids. Don't set the goal of changing completely, because then you are likely to fail and give up altogether. Try to do a little better every day. If you find yourself yelling, just yell a little less, stop sooner and be less loud. Review your small changes at the end of the day and celebrate your small success.

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